That’s Not for Me

Let’s get right to it:

Some days I doubt that God has good things in store for me.

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I look at women and their beautiful babies and marvel at the sweetness.

But there’s always a sub-layer of doubt.
This voice that says, “Isn’t that great? But that’s not how it’s going to be for you.”

I think the past year has shown me that God doesn’t owe me anything.

My family, husband, a functioning body, security, stability, and control over life in general are not mine.

I’m mixed up in the space between believing that God wants good things for me and that no one is guaranteed a healthy, easy life (or childbearing journey).

Perhaps our definition of “good things” is a bit off course.
Perhaps I overanalyze things.

“We often presume that trust will dispel the confusion, illuminate the darkness, vanquish the uncertainty, and redeem the times. But the crowd of witnesses in Hebrews 11 testifies that this is not the case. Our trust does not bring final clarity to this earth. It does not still the chaos or dull the pain or provide a crutch. When all else is unclear, the heart of trust says, as Jesus did on the cross, “Into your hands I commit my spirit.” (Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning)

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