BUT REALLY.

Honesty is the best policy.
It’s even a little trendy right now.
#reallife #fail

But really.
Honesty.
Transparency.
(As if that even exists in our world of Instagram and Pinterest)

This woman thinks it does.
And should.

And I agree.

Unless we’ve been friends for a while I’m probably not going to tell you all the areas in which I feel weak.
That’s just how I’m built.
I don’t spill my guts to strangers.
Maybe I should?
But I don’t.

So you won’t know that I am absolutely terrified of talking to the new couple sitting in front of us at church. I want to. So bad. I think through it and haven’t found anything to say after, “Hi, I’m Rachel.” so I don’t. (Just to keep it real – this pours into my fear of Josh being a youth pastor or pastor.  Pastor’s wives are good at talking to other people. Duh.)

You won’t know that I ate two bags of M&M’s for “lunch” today. And that wasn’t the first time it’s happened. (#whole30?)

You won’t know that I watch about two hours of TV on nights when Josh works and I don’t have any other plans. I realize I’m wasting my night. And that’s part of why I do it. I am downright lazy sometimes.

You won’t know that I still cry when my mom and dad leave after a weekend visit. And that the thought of moving anywhere far away from them scares me. And then the fact that it scares me scares me.

You won’t know that I want to be a momma so bad. But that I also feel like we’ll never be ready. That also scares me.

My life on this little blog or Instagram is in no way a lie.
But you certainly won’t see a picture of our five-million dirty dishes, the trash that smells but the dumpster is just too far, or the shower that hasn’t been cleaned in let’s just be safe and say three months.
Nope.
I checked.
Not one of those things have earned themselves a nice blog post or Instagram square.

I’m sure there’s more eloquent posts on the topic somewhere.
You should go look those up.

In the mean time, let’s be real.
Let’s cheer each other on instead of jealously critiquing each other – even if it’s “just” to ourselves or our husbands.
If someone loves keeping her home clean – cheer her on.
If someone loves keeping up on laundry so it lessens her stress don’t criticize her. Cheer her on.
Part of being human is the ability to empathize with others.
To say, “I’ve been there before!”
So let’s use it to encourage one another, not compare ourselves.

I love and admire people that show real life and honesty in what they do.  Not showcasing it but just being honest and saying, “I don’t have it all together.”

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15 thoughts on “BUT REALLY.

  1. I am right there with you! Stepping into that role as a pastor's wife, that has been my BIGGEST area of weakness. It's flat out terrifying. If I'm honest, on Sunday mornings I want to avoid the foyer like a plague. But each week I make myself peek out there and try. Some days I fail and some days I'm just too busy (which is probably also a fail…) but I keep trying. I've found that it helps to watch someone who's good with new people. I usually watch my husband – he's brilliant. He comes up with the best questions to ask. I try to take a mental note and remember them for next time.

    And last week, when my folks headed back home, I cried the night before they left. I cried as they pulled out, and thinking of it now brings tears to my eyes. It's hard.

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  2. Thanks Rachel. I love this. I have had an extra rough week, the kind that you really do not want to share on your blog for the whole world to read until you are way past the hump and want to tell the story. I try to stay positive and upbeat no matter what, but sometimes it is just hard. I am an introvert trying to blog which isn't easy at all…my dishes from last night are still soaking in the sink,so I feel you on that…sometimes on some days I am throwing a tantrum along with my kids…

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  3. I agree – I'm so guilty of the “fake it till you make it” mentality. It's almost like default, cruise control mode for me. Being honest takes a lot of effort and thought and risk. But there's also a unique balance of silencing our social-media driven world when “real life” is happening around us.

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  4. Yes, yes, yes.
    That's such a good tip! You can find me with my notebook taking notes of others on Sunday morning… 😉 I always feel so fake (even when I'm genuinely interested) asking the, “What do you do? Where are you from?” kind of questions.

    And I believe it – plus, you live even further from yours!
    So glad you were able to spend the week with them though! 🙂

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  5. Oh man I just seriously love this post! Can I just get an amen that I have a shower that hasn't been cleaned in lets be safe three months either?? But really, who even cleans their shower. I cry every single time I have to say goodbye to my parents (we live 7 hours away so it's not every day) but it's every single time. There is something to be said about being real and honest online and I appreciate you stepping out and showing that your life isn't pinterest perfect (I actually may steal this post idea soon if you're okay with that). Here's to too much ice cream, sour moods, and a sink full of dirty dishes. And cold pizza for breakfast #whole30 is right!

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  6. Goodness, I'm well on my way to being apastor's wife and I'm terrified of talking to people too! I'm sure there will be an aspect of fake it till you make it but I also think it will have to be an area of grace

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  7. Goodness, I'm well on my way to being apastor's wife and I'm terrified of talking to people too! I'm sure there will be an aspect of fake it till you make it but I also think it will have to be an area of grace

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  8. Oh goodness, we're a lot alike. Like seriously.

    I will rarely get messy in conversations with others but have oddly enough found that I can on my blog. But on Instagram? It's way harder, for some reason! I feel the pressure to be picture perfect on Instagram and I hate it because I'm supposed to be sharing my life, not my edited, happy-all-the-time life (which doesn't exist, by the way).

    Anyway, thanks for the reminder to be honest and transparent and real. You, my friend are a gem in this blog world.

    Also…I am TOTALLLLLLY twins with you. I so want to be a mom someday, too. It's actually one of my biggest dreams. As in, I think about it A LOT.

    I also am terribly close to my family and I cannot imagine not living close to them. Proof? It was a rough time living away from home at a dorm my freshman year. Long story short? I ended up moving home!

    And I'm also not a huge fan of introducing myself to other people. I have probably psyched myself up and practiced what to say but still cannot get myself to actually do it!

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  9. Exactly – writing words = easy.
    Saying them = mumbo jumbo, words don't make sense!

    And I feel you on Instagram – the messy doesn't look quite as pretty!

    I think about it a lot too.
    And it's getting worse as my friends start having babes!

    If I hadn't had such a great roommate my first year – I would have been right back home too. 🙂

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  10. Really enjoyed this I too feel this way as you have described. When I am writing a blog I am real to who I am its the only way I feel I have a free non judging outlet sometimes

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